i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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