OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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