I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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