im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
