someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
