Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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