I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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