god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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