He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you had me at cake vodka
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
