Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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