Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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