I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
