I could make wine with my vomit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
