oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My hand turned me down
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
