i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
