and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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