It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
