I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Im part way to drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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