You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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