forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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