I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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