TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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