i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
