there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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