I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
