last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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