My liver just broke up with me...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
