Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
