it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
