Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His nipple licking is glorious
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