you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
