Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
