I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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