I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
