Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
