I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
