We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
