do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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