I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
