I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
