Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
