walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
