...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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