I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
