Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
