just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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