Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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