You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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