She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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