hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
