oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
