I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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