Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
