so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
