I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
