The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
