did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
