we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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