So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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