Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
