He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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