the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
