my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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