you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
