I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
