operation harelip BJ is a go
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize