Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
