Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
