guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
