Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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