so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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