What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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