Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
