someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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