porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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