Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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