In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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