I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
