you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
