i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
