Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize