OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
