I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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