The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
