I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
