wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
