So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
