I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
