Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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