I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
