my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
