Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
