I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
