How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize