FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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