He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
